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Sandwich Generation Survival Guide: How to Keep Smiling While Caring for an Older Family Member
Caring for older parents while caring for younger children has created a sandwiched generation that is struggling to keep up with all of its responsibilities. And as the population continues to age, caring for older family members will be an increasing concern for Canadian families.
According to a 2002 Statistics Canada survey, almost 20 per cent of Canadians were providing care to one or more family members or friends over 65. That’s close to 2.4 million Canadians.
The talk drew a large, and attentive, audience at the 2006 Women’s Health Matters Forum & Expo in Toronto, many of whom were looking for answers to a variety of questions:
- How do you know when your relative needs help at home?
- How do you know when it is no longer safe for them to live on their own?
- How do you ensure that they get the care they need?
Presenters from the Sandwich Generation Resource Network helped answer these and other questions and identified some of the services available.
How do I find help?
‘The aging parent affects the entire family,’ said social worker Audrey Miller. As managing director of Elder Caring Inc., Miller has seen the challenges families face when they have to start caring for an older relative.
For example, what happens when your mom returns home from the hospital after breaking her hip? How will she be able to cope in her multi-level home?
This is just one of many scenarios dealt with by an organization like Elder Caring Inc. In order to identify what kind of support is needed, a team of social workers, occupational therapists and other health care professionals assess the needs of the family by looking at the physical, environmental, cognitive and functioning factors.
To ensure that the senior will be safe in the home, the care team helps the family to develop a care plan, and monitors and adjusts it as needed. Ultimately, if the older adult cannot live safely in their own home, the care team helps the family find alternative living arrangements.
‘Our goal is to help the older adult maintain a high quality of life in their own home,’ Miller said.
A little help to maintain independence
How do you know when an older family member needs help to keep living on his or her own? There are a few simple questions you can ask to help you find an answer, says Jane Teasdale of Premier Homecare Services. Is the person able to:
- prepare meals?
- bathe safely without help?
- dress without help
- maintain their home?
- travel alone to a doctor’s appointment?
- feel safe and secure in their home?
If you answer no to any of these questions, the senior may need assistance at home to help them remain independent and safe, Teasdale said.
When you start looking for a company that can provide homecare services, there are a number of factors you should consider:
- Does the company provide the services that the person will need? For example, can the company help the person prepare meals, get to appointments or run errands?
- Is the company specialized in dealing with cognitive disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease or dementia?
- Can you get a new caregiver if necessary?
- Does the company have a good reputation?
Teasdale — who faced her own challenges when she had to take care of her mother and three children while working — noted that the goal of homecare services is to help seniors remain in their homes as long as possible and help them maintain their dignity as they age.
Among the services available is Lifeline, a unique device that, with the touch of a button, brings help.
Once pushed, the Personal Help Button connects the senior to trained professionals who determine what kind of help is needed and sends help at once. Lifeline staff follow up to ensure that the senior has received the help they need, explained Dina Campeis, program manager with the Lifeline program at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre.
The device, worn like a necklace, makes the senior feel less alone, Campeis said. It also helps their family feel more confident about the senior living on their own.
More than just packing boxes
Leaving a home that you have lived in for many years means leaving behind everything that is familiar, including your youth. That is why Vicky Riley Keyes, founder of Red Coats Moving Solutions, started her business. After helping her mother move from the family home, Riley Keyes realized that moving is more than simply packing boxes. It is allowing seniors to say goodbye to their possessions.
Red Coats helps seniors to plan their move and tries to organize the new home to make it as comfortable as possible. They also help seniors organize and downsize before moving into their new home.
Riley Keyes explained that Red Coats also encourages seniors to talk about their memories as they pack up. ‘It allows them to say goodbye,’ she said.
Planning for the ‘final transition’
Funeral director Joanne Bunton wonders why when we plan for many types of celebrations such as birthdays, weddings and anniversaries, we avoid planning for the ‘most significant celebration of a person’s life.’ Their funeral.
We really should be pre-thinking, pre-planning and even pre-paying, to ensure we have the funeral we want and that we do not leave our family with a financial burden.
Bunton works for Dignity Memorial, a national network of funeral, cremation and cemetery service providers. She encourages caregivers to have that difficult conversation about funeral planning and avoid planning in the haze of grief.
Among the issues that need to be considered:
- The specifics of the funeral, such as the service, the casket, flowers, etc.
- The costs of travel to attend a funeral.
- The costs of hotel and car reservations
- Organizing business affairs and closing an estate after a death of a loved one, including organizing important paperwork beforehand.
‘We all plan on aging well, but sometimes life throws us a curve,’ Bunton said. ‘Pre-planning is about dealing with that curve
Karen Ramlall "Seniors Solution Provides One on One Services to Seniors in the Ottawa & Kanata Region."
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