Normal Aging or Something is Wrong?
Our hair turns white (or falls out). We need glasses. We don't move as quickly as we once did. Others comment that the commercial on the TV is too loud.
We expect to change as we age, even if we don't welcome all of those changes. We see age-related changes in ourselves and in our parents and other relatives. Sometimes the difference is dramatic, such as after a major illness or stroke. Sometimes it just appears to be dramatic, like when we visit our distant relatives on the holidays and are surprised at how different they look.
For most people, skills and capacities diminish gradually, and most of us will need a little help every once in awhile as we get older.
The challenge is to distinguish between those changes that represent normal patterns of aging and those which are indicators that something is amiss and may require some form of intervention. Here are some signs to look for:
DETERIORATING HYGIENE OR APPEARANCE. Occasional uncombed hair or going to the grocery store without make-up isn't something to worry about. A persistent pattern of neglected teeth, dirty clothing, not bathing - these are some of the signals that your loved one may need some help.
ERRATIC OR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR CHANGES. If your loved one starts acting differently, or inappropriately, you may need to take action, especially if that behaviour lasts more than a few weeks.
CONFUSION OR DISORIENTATION. This may take the form of garbled answers to questions or an inability to concentrate or not understanding a normal conversation. It may also take the form of memory loss. Some memory loss is normal - all of us forget where we put our car keys, for example. That kind of occasional lapse isn't cause for concern, and forgetfulness tends to increase with age. On the other hand, forgetting what a car key is for, or failure to remember significant people or getting lost in familiar surroundings may be early signs of Alzheimer's disease or dementia. Because of our fear of Alzheimer's disease, we tend to notice the memory lapses of older people, but we shouldn't jump to conclusions without a medical diagnosis.
EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS, DEPRESSION OR STRESS. Stress, sadness and grief are often a part of seniors' lives, just as they are a part of the lives of younger people. They become a cause for concern if they linger and persist for more than several weeks.
SIGNS OF INSUFFICIENT NUTRITION, DEHYDRATION, WEIGHT LOSS. If your loved one is not getting enough to eat or drink, his or her health is in jeopardy. These symptoms may also signal depression, or simply that he or she is no longer capable of preparing proper meals. The most obvious sign of poor nutrition and eating habits is significant weight loss. Check the refrigerator and pantry occasionally in order to ensure that a lack of food is not the problem.
INABILITY TO MANAGE MONEY. If you notice that the bills are stacking up, or that the bank account is being depleted when there should be enough money, it's time to help manage your loved one’s finances.
FRIENDS OR NEIGHBORS EXPRESS CONCERN. Your loved one’s friends may be the first to notice when something is wrong. They may be hesitant to let you know because they don't want to appear meddlesome, don't want to "go around" your relative, or, most often, because friends and neighbours don't know who or where to call. It's a good idea to give them your phone number and ask that they call you if they have concerns about your loved one’s welfare.
INABILITY TO MANAGE MEDICATIONS. It seems like the number of little plastic bottles of pills in the medicine cabinet increases with every year that we age. By the time we’re in our seventies or eighties, we may be taking a full handful of pills, three or more times a day. It can be difficult to remember which pills to take when. If a loved one cannot remember to take medication or how much was taken, it’s time to step in and help. For instance, you can set up a schedule or monitoring system to help ensure that the right pills are taken at the right time.
UNCLEAN OR UNSAFE LIVING ENVIRONMENT. At some point, the normal maintenance of the house may just become more than an older person can handle. The lawn never gets mowed and paint is peeling. These are indications that some housekeeping services are needed. Other signs may indicate that physical or mental impairments have deteriorated such that your loved one simply cannot continue to live independently without assistance. If they leave the stove burners on or cannot safely make it from one room to another, or consistently leave dirty dishes piled in the sink, it's time to get some help.
FALLING, LACK OF MOBILITY, WANDERING OR SIGNIFICANT VISION OR HEARING DIFFICULTIES. Because bones fracture easier and heal more slowly with age, falling is always dangerous for older people. Similarly, if your loved one can no longer physically get around the house, becomes reclusive or isolated, cannot see well or cannot hear the doorbell and telephone, it's a potentially dangerous situation.
What do you do if you believe that something is wrong? To start, you could try to verify your impressions with others. And you should certainly consider sharing your concerns with your loved one. Often times, he or she is aware of certain limitations, but has avoided mentioning them for fear of upsetting you. If the situation is more delicate, or you don’t want to upset a loved one unnecessarily, try talking to your siblings, and find out if they share your concerns. If things appear serious, arrange a medical evaluation and a geriatric assessment. Perhaps the problem is only temporary or treatable. If you ultimately conclude that a loved one does need assistance with daily living, there are many options available to you. Today, more than ever, it is possible to arrange for in-home assistance. As studies have shown, the elderly tend to live healthier and more vibrant lives if they can be cared for in their own home, rather than a nursing home or long-term care facility.
These are just some of the more common signs that a loved one may not be ageing as well as expected. Obviously, some signs are cause for more concern than others. However, the important thing to remember is that regardless of the nature of your concerns, the happiness and well being of your loved ones should always come first. Treat your loved ones with the respect and dignity you would expect from your own children. Be gentle. Go slowly. And be sure to involve them in the process. With cautious intervention, your loved ones will have the best chance of ageing well and enjoying the best quality of life possible under the circumstances.
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